The wife is a born complainer. Even this week`s little snowfall failed to improve her mood; I overheard her on the phone to her mother complaining that ‘it`s only a couple of inches`. It kept the kids quiet though.
I try to convey a rosier outlook, but even the great Monty Panesar would struggle to put a positive spin on the shambles that is the England football team.
A recent poll showed that 67% believe that Steve McClaren is the wrong man for the job; the other 33% are either having the question reread to them or are Scottish, and there`s a fair chance that it`s both.
The manager`s original squad selection for the match against Israel was a joke. There are only two people in this world who believe that Phil Neville is a better full-back than Gareth Barry. Steve McClaren is one; the other is hanging out with Bashful, Sneezy, Doc, Happy, Sleepy and the wife.
It`s easy to blame the hapless McClaren, but it`s his employers who are the real culprits. The suits at the FA are so clueless; it wouldn`t surprise me if their plans for the new Wembley include appointing Freddie Flintoff as a barman and Frank Lampard as the catering manager. The situation is a shambles; back Israel to beat England at 21/5, then back them again.
A recently discovered tribe of Congolese pygmies have admitted knowing absolutely nothing of western civilisation, other than the fact you can`t play Lampard and Gerrard in the same team.
In my opinion, big Frank should be the one to make way. There`s no doubting the fact that he`s worth his weight in gold to Chelsea, although Fort Knox would probably struggle with an order of such colossal magnitude.
A crazed supporter tried to punch a shirtless Frank Lampard earlier in the week, dispelling the myth that pot doesn`t lead to violence. Backing Benayoun to net the opening goal at 16/1 will lead to an abundance of riches.
I`m all for having a good laugh; you should see the wife. But as often is the case, some people can take things too far. Some ‘comedian` has hacked into a number of websites to show Scotland sitting on top of a qualifying group that includes France and Italy. The 10/3 for a draw between the Sweaties and Georgia is a genuine reason to raise a little smile.
Stan Staunton`s left foot was so polished; it would often gleam like Andy Johnson`s noggin. But somewhat paradoxically, a great player rarely makes a good manager. Only a last minute strike saved the Irish from ridicule against San Marino last time out, I like the look of the Welsh at 43/10.
Northern Ireland travel to Liechtenstein for their qualifier and I fancy the footballing minnows to take a pasting. Admittedly, that doesn`t really narrow down the bet selection. It`s Northern Ireland at 4/9.
A stunning French lady has recently moved in next door. I do think it`s important to try and get on with your neighbours, so I`ve been trying to get on for the last few weeks. France look a sumptuous betting proposition at 1/2 against Lithuania.
Being a friendly soul, I`ve introduced Nicole to the local leisure centre. I`m not a great swimmer, but i try to get the occasional length in. The Greeks and the Turks do not share my literal ‘love thy neighbour` philosophy; a draw between the old foes will keep everyone happy at 11/5.
The accer this week is so charming; I`m using it as a tool to woo the lovely Nicole. There are only three selections, but hopefully size isn`t important. Wales, France and Israel are the picks, the payout is a magnificent 37/1.
Weekend Betting:
Rep of Ireland v Wales
Saturday 24th March 15:00
Live on Sky
Rep of Ireland 4/5
Draw 12/5
Wales 43/10
Get on: Wales
Match Special:
Bale to score direct from a free kick 14/1
Scotland v Georgia
Saturday 24th March 15:00
Live on Sky
Scotland 9/20
Draw 10/3
Georgia 15/2
Get on: Draw
Match Special:
Arveladze to score at any time 3/1
Lithuania v France
Saturday 24th March 17:00
Live on Eurosport
Lithuania 8/1
Draw 3/1
France 1/2
Get on: France
Match Special:
Cisse to score a hat-trick 16/1
Israel v England
Saturday 24th March 18:30
Live on Sky
Israel 21/5
Draw 23/10
England 10/11
Get on: Israel
Match Special:
Benayoun to score two or more goals 25/1
Liechtenstein v Northern Ireland
Saturday 24th March 19:15
Live on BBC Interactive
Liechtenstein 8/1
Draw 3/1
Northern Ireland 4/9
Get on: Northern Ireland
Match Special:
Northern Ireland to win and keep a clean sheet 6/5
Greece v Turkey
Saturday 24th March 19:30
Greece 6/5
Draw 11/5
Turkey 5/2
Get on: Draw
Match Special:
No goalscorer in the game 13/2
By Gerry McDonnell
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Whats the bets Mcleish plays it safe and only plays 1 upfront? We need to play 2 upfront especially when we’re at home.
Don’t think he can afford to be as negative as that for this game. Hopefully he’ll go with two and we can get the result. You going? I got a ticket at the last minute!
15/2 Georgia is a large price. Still gotta fancy us though. I’m going MrH, i’ll see you at half time for a pie!!!
Just a pie? You on a diet?!
I will have already had a cheesburger and chips on the way to the ground so a pie should cover it
Ah I see that’s better. A growing lad like yourself has got to eat!