Strachan Joins ‘Hearts Are A Physical Team’ Club

Bitterness shown towards Hearts from opposing managers who’ve seen their teams failing to beat the Edinburgh outfit this season has been in great abundance lately.

This is understandable of course, as no-one likes to see their team struggling against a side who finished as low as eighth in the Scottish league last year, but the one mistake that the likes of Jimmy Calderwood, Craig Levein, Mark McGhee and seemingly all of the media ‘experts’ out there seem to make with their criticisms of Hearts, is the insistence that they are a ‘big, strong, physical team’. It’s like our team is so limited in natural ability that we have to play to the only strengths that we have, and that is allegedly that we have the muscle to bully our opponents into submission. The more often that this myth (and it really is a myth, unfortunately for us) has reared its head in the media, the more popular it has become.

I believe it was Calderwood who started this perennial criticism, doing what he does best in covering up for his own shortcomings via a more-than-sympathetic media. I can accept this from a man who clearly doesn’t have the shrewdness to guide a club of the stature of Aberdeen to anywhere close to where they should be, but it’s been very disappointing seeing much more intelligent beings like Levein and McGhee also buying into this. Sadly it would seem, Celtic’s manager Gordon Strachan is the latest under-pressure manager to be playing this card. Following his side’s 1-1 draw at Tynecastle on Saturday, Strachan said:

“It was the land of the giants out there – Hearts must have at least eight players that are six feet and over, so you have to deal with that. I had to pick a team with a bit of flair but also with a bit of height. Hearts use their weapons well. By the way, I`m not complaining about the way they play, but it is a contrast in styles, and they do their thing well.”

It’s funny, because if any of the aforementioned SPL managers actually did their homework on Hearts, they would realise that their LACK of strength is actually their biggest weakness. I think only Kilmarnock’s Jim Jefferies has truly identified this and has sent his sides out with the directive of sticking the boot into us – and although it didn’t work last weekend, generally he’s managed to get some mileage out of this tactic. If the likes of Strachan and Calderwood had done the same, then perhaps they wouldn’t have been looking so desperately for excuses following their failure to beat Hearts.

Seriously, let’s just analyse this Hearts team for a minute. Just who are the ‘physical’ players in there exactly? For me it’s only in defence that we have any muscle at all, and generally you’ll find that all teams have stronger players in those areas. Let’s look at the 11 who started on Saturday:

Balogh – over six feet tall, yes, but he’s a goalkeeper and not a very imposing one at that. Rarely comes from cross balls due to his lack of strength in the air.

Neilson – I’ll give Strachan this one. Neilson has to make up for his footballing deficiencies by adopting the many dirty tricks he learned from Steven Pressley. He likes to ‘use his experience’ shall we say, and part of his game is definitely being a ‘physical player’.

Wallace – probably the strongest player in the Hearts team now physically. Whether he uses it to his advantage fully just yet is up for question, but yes he is a strong laddie.

Karipidis – tall but by no means physical. More of a ball-playing centre-half who struggles against a genuinely strong frontman.

Zaliukas – bit stronger than Karipidis but isn’t exactly a bruiser. Could do with filling out a little and bringing some controlled nastiness to his game – bit like his opposite number McManus on Saturday actually.

Obua – over six feet tall but in terms of being a physical player, don’t make me laugh. Strachan could probably knock him over with a miss!

Driver – diminutive little winger. Next….

Aguiar – probably the least physical player in the SPL. Next…

Palazuelos – ball-playing, midfielder who tends to shy away from anything overly physical. Next….

Stewart – puts lots of effort in but strength isn’t exactly his forte. Strengths are all to do with his abilities on the ball. Next…

Elliot – again, put himself about on Saturday but was fouled a hell of a lot more than he was fouling others. Generally not the strongest guy in the world either – looks like a stranger to a decent meal in all honesty…

So that’s three (Neilson, Wallace and Zaliukas) genuinely strong players by my reckoning, and even then we’re not talking bruisers. Hearts are doing ok at the moment but the one thing they’re absolutely crying out for is some genuine steel throughout the side – a ‘minder’ for the likes of Driver and Aguiar to afford them some protection. The idea that Hearts are an overly physical side is quite frankly a nonsense.

It’s interesting that Strachan, a man who fancies himself as a bit of an intellect(!), goes on about players being over six feet tall – that doesn’t really count for a darned thing does it? You can be over six feet tall and be a complete push over – bit like our own man Palazuelos actually, or even someone like Brian Laudrup a few years back who, despite being a physically strong man, could hardly be described in the category that Strachan is referring to.

Ah well – perhaps we should be taking all of these sour grapes as a compliment to the work that Csaba Laszlo is doing at Hearts. He clearly has these people riled and that can only be good for the club, but seriously, what are they going to be saying when Csaba brings in some REAL hard players to Tynecastle?

Let’s hope we get the chance to find out in the near future…